I have been guilty of fighting battles that aren’t mine to fight. Sometimes I think I try to take on the whole world.
I love the Lord, I do so much- and yet….Something feels wrong.
It feels like I am a caged bird, wanting to fly but unable to take off. Why?
Surrender. I have to let go of the battles.
“You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the Lord will give you, Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the Lord will be with you.’” ( 2 Chronicles 20:17, NIV)
In my soon to be released book, 300 Days: Out of the Dark Night into Life, I remember using the words intimate surrender. It means letting go of the biggest battle of all. We fight so hard to be in control and hold onto our deepest desires that we build a cage around ourselves . In our valiant effort to serve the Lord and do good, we fight and fight and fight. We fight ourselves right into a cage.
We cannot change the world. We cannot change our church. We cannot even change our loved ones. The battle is not ours to fight. As in 2 Chronicles, what we are called to do is show up! But- we cannot really show up unless we surrender the biggest battle of all- ourselves.
Lord, I surrender me. I surrender everything I want, everything I think I have to do. Take it. I know that I have no power to win this battle. Only You.
In recovery, surrender is vital. We cannot win without it. Surrender means we accept that we cannot do this on our own, we need help, we need God. The scriptures are full of examples of this and verses telling us that we are not God. We were created to love God- and to show up. When we stand firm in our love for Him and let Him fight the battles, He gives us the victory. Easy, right? No way. It is the hardest battle of all. Our human will is to survive. To never quit fighting lest we die. Intimate surrender asks us to do the opposite. He asks – will you die for me? Will you give me the battle to fight?
I am that caged bird. My wings have been tethered in this cage too long. My feathers are matted down from lack of use. How do I open the cage door? How do I take flight again, soaring above the clouds?
I surrender me. What about you?